How to Choose a Honeymoon Destination When You Have No Idea Where to Go

 So, where are you going on your honeymoon?

It's such a fun question when you have an answer.

When you don't, it can feel like one more decision added to a very long list of wedding decisions. You've spent months talking about flowers, guest lists, food, music, seating charts and whether anyone will notice the difference between two nearly identical shades of linen. Now you're supposed to casually choose where in the world you'd like to take one of the most memorable trips of your life.

No pressure.

Maybe you have a list. Italy is on it. So is Greece. You've always talked about Japan. One of you keeps sending beach resorts to the other, who keeps responding with videos of castles in Scotland. Then you see Costa Rica, Portugal or South Africa on Pinterest and suddenly the list is getting longer instead of shorter.

This happens all the time.

And here's what I tell couples: stop trying to pick the destination for a minute.

When I'm planning a honeymoon, I don't actually want to start with where you want to go. I want to understand how you want to travel together.

Once we figure that out, the map gets much smaller.

Tell Me About Tuesday

Not literally Tuesday. Just an ordinary day in the middle of your honeymoon.

You've gotten past the arrival day and you're settled in. What sounds really good?

Maybe you wake up in a beautiful hotel, take your time over breakfast and eventually wander out toward a museum. You explore for a few hours, stop somewhere local for lunch, see something you've been reading about for years, go back to the hotel to rest and then have a quiet dinner somewhere you can walk to.

That's a very specific kind of honeymoon.

Or maybe I lost you at “museum.”

Your version might involve waking up without an alarm, walking out onto a balcony overlooking the ocean and having no firm obligation until a sunset sail at 5:00.

Also very specific.

Maybe you want to hike to something incredible in the morning and spend the afternoon drinking wine. Maybe you want street food and night markets. Maybe you want wildlife. Maybe you're the couple who wants to spend the day touring World War II sites and then find a great cocktail bar.

Now we're getting somewhere.

Notice that we still haven't picked a country.

That's intentional.

When couples tell me what they actually want their days to look like, I can start separating destinations that photograph beautifully from destinations that will actually work for them.

Those aren't always the same thing.

Make Sure You're Speaking the Same Language

I love asking couples for a few words that describe how they want their honeymoon to feel.

Relaxing. Adventurous. Romantic. Luxurious.

Great. Now tell me what those words mean to you.

Because “relaxing” can mean sleeping until 10:00 and spending the afternoon beside a pool. It can also mean wandering Paris with no scheduled tour until dinner.

Those are very different vacations.

The same thing happens with luxury. Some couples want the hotel to be part of the experience: beautiful room, wonderful service, great breakfast, somewhere they're genuinely excited to come back to every evening. Another couple might say, “We're going to be out exploring all day. Give us somewhere comfortable and put that money toward experiences.”

Neither answer is better. But I need to know which couple I'm planning for.

Adventure is another good one. Are we talking about hiking, rafting and zip-lining? Renting a car and exploring little towns? Navigating trains through four European countries? Because I can assure you, sprinting through a train station with luggage while trying to find Platform 14 can become an adventure all its own.

These conversations sound simple, but they're where good honeymoon planning starts.

You Are Allowed to Like Different Things

This seems obvious until you're actually planning the trip.

You're getting married because you love each other. Presumably, you did not select your spouse because you have identical opinions about museums.

One of you may love history. The other wants food and wine.

One person wants to be out the door early. The other believes vacations should involve sleeping later than you do at home.

One wants a detailed itinerary. The other becomes visibly uncomfortable when there are three reservations on the same day.

That's okay.

I don't try to eliminate those differences when I'm planning for a couple. I use them.

Let's say one of you desperately wants to visit Normandy and the other isn't nearly as interested in military history. That doesn't mean Normandy is automatically out. It means I probably don't build four consecutive days around military sites.

Maybe we create an incredible Normandy experience and balance it with the food, coastal towns, markets or beautiful hotel that appeals to the other person.

Or perhaps one of you has always wanted to visit Ferrari in Maranello while the other would much rather spend the day exploring Bologna's food scene.

We can work with that.

The goal isn't to find a honeymoon where both people are equally excited about every hour of every day.

The goal is to create a trip where both people can see themselves in it.

Be Careful With the “While We're There…” Problem

This one gets couples all the time, especially in Europe.

You start with Italy.

Then someone realizes Switzerland is right there.

And France isn't that far.

And you've always wanted to see London.

Before long, your romantic European honeymoon has become a transportation itinerary with occasional sightseeing.

This is where I usually start talking about the difference between travel time and the time printed on a train ticket.

A two-hour train doesn't cost you two hours.

You have to pack. Check out. Get to the station. Find the train. Travel. Get off. Get to the next hotel. Check in. Unpack.

You've moved.

That may be completely worth it if the next destination is important to you. But if we're doing that every other day, we need to talk about whether the trip you're imagining is actually going to feel the way you want your honeymoon to feel.

Some couples love moving around. They're energized by it.

Others are much happier staying four nights somewhere, finding a favorite café, learning the neighborhood and taking day trips without changing hotels.

I don't have a universal rule for how many destinations a honeymoon should include.

I do have a rule that every move should earn its place.

If we're giving up half a day to relocate, I want a good reason.

Your Budget Doesn't Have to Be Spread Evenly

Here's another place where I see couples get stuck.

They decide they're planning a “luxury honeymoon,” and suddenly every hotel needs to be five-star, every transfer private and every dinner an event.

That's one way to do it.

It isn't the only way.

I'd rather know what you'll actually notice.

If you've dreamed about a particular hotel and you're going to spend time enjoying it, let's talk about splurging there.

If you're planning to leave the hotel at 8:00 every morning and return exhausted at 10:00 every night, perhaps we don't need to spend $900 a night for a room you'll mostly see with your eyes closed.

Maybe you fly economy but book the incredible suite overlooking the Amalfi Coast.

Maybe the hotel matters less and you put more money into a private guide who can get you deeper into the history you came to experience.

Maybe food is your thing, so we protect room in the budget for the restaurants and wine experiences you've been dreaming about.

This is one of the reasons I don't love planning solely around labels like budget, luxury or affordable.

Tell me the number you're comfortable spending, absolutely.

But also tell me what you care about.

That's how we decide where the money should work hardest.

Please Don't Choose Someone Else's Honeymoon

Pinterest is wonderful for honeymoon planning.

It can also convince you that everyone who gets married is contractually obligated to spend at least part of the honeymoon in an infinity pool.

You are not. There is no official honeymoon aesthetic.

If you want the white dress, private pool, champagne-at-sunset version, I will happily help you find it.

But if the two of you would rather spend your honeymoon exploring historical sites across Germany and France, that counts too.

So does eating your way through Japan. So does wildlife in South Africa. So does hiking in Costa Rica followed by three days where your most difficult decision is whether to order another drink by the pool.

The best honeymoon ideas usually start becoming obvious when couples stop asking, “Where do people honeymoon?” and start asking, “What would we be really excited to do together?”

Think About the Story You'll Tell Later

This is something I think about a lot when I plan travel. Ten years from now, what do you think you'll remember? Probably not whether your hotel room was 410 or 460 square feet.

You might remember the balcony.

You'll remember the dinner where you stayed far longer than you intended because the wine was good and you had nowhere else you needed to be.

You'll remember seeing the place one of you has talked about visiting for years.

You'll remember getting lost.

You'll remember the cooking class where one of you was surprisingly good at making pasta and the other absolutely was not.

You'll remember the view.

You'll remember the ridiculous thing that happened that wasn't remotely funny at the time and somehow became one of your favorite stories.

Those are the things I'm trying to make room for when I build an itinerary.

Yes, the logistics matter. A lot. Flights, hotel locations, transfer times, reservations and routing can make the difference between a trip that flows and one that constantly feels harder than it should.

But good logistics aren't the point of the honeymoon. They're what allow you to stop thinking about logistics once you're there.

Still Stuck? Do This Before You Pick a Country

Sit down together—wine, coffee, cocktails, whatever works—and answer these questions separately.

What three words describe how you want the honeymoon to feel?

If you could design one perfect day of the trip, what would you do from breakfast through dinner?

What's one experience you've always wanted to have together?

Would you rather see several places or really settle into one or two?

How much unscheduled time sounds good to you?

If you could splurge on only one category—hotel, food, transportation or experiences—which would you choose?

And my favorite:

What's something your partner would absolutely love that you'd be happy to include because you know how much it would mean to them?

Compare answers. Don't worry if they aren't identical. Actually, I hope they aren't. That's where the interesting itinerary usually begins.

This Is How The First Mile Starts

When I created The First Mile at The Curated Mile, I intentionally didn't want honeymoon planning to begin with a list of destinations or packages.

I want to understand the couple first.

Tell me about your perfect day. Tell me what you've always wanted to experience. Tell me whether you want history and museums, beaches and cocktails, food and wine, wildlife and adventure—or some combination that doesn't fit neatly into a honeymoon category.

Tell me that one of you needs a slow morning occasionally.

Tell me you love beautiful hotels but don't need one every night.

Tell me one of you wants four countries and the other would rather unpack once.

That's useful information.

From there, we can start matching destinations to the two of you instead of trying to fit the two of you into a destination.

Sometimes the answer is exactly where you thought you'd go.

Sometimes it's somewhere you hadn't considered.

And sometimes the best honeymoon isn't one kind of trip at all. It might be Paris followed by wine country. History followed by the coast. Adventure followed by four days where absolutely nothing is required of you.

That's where customization matters.

Start With You. We'll Find the Place.

By all means, make the Pinterest board. Save Italy. Save Greece. Save the ridiculous hotel in the Maldives that you're not even sure is remotely within budget. That's part of the fun.

But before you decide where you're going, figure out what you're actually hoping to experience when you get there.

• How do you want your days to feel?
• What do you want to do together?
• What deserves the splurge?
• How much do you want to move?
• And what would make you come home thinking, That was so us?

Answer those questions and choosing the destination gets much easier.

Maybe it's Italy. Maybe Ireland. Maybe Costa Rica, Japan or South Africa. Maybe it's somewhere that hasn't made it onto your Pinterest board yet. We can figure out the where.

First, figure out you. Your wedding is one extraordinary day. Your honeymoon is your first chance to go somewhere together as a married couple and come home with a story that belongs only to the two of you.

That's a pretty wonderful place to start.

The First Mile | The Curated Mile

Where journeys become stories.

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